Every now and again, I think about Ambrose Bierce, who died somewhere in Mexico in January 1914, though sources disagree on exactly where and no one seems to have found the body. “An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge” helped me find a starting point for my love of literature and “The Devil’s Dictionary” reinforced my belief in play as a valid approach to language (I was once punished for calling one of the playground attendants a funny name–I’ll tell you sometime if you remind me). In this commonplace post, rather than quote from either, I just want to play with variations of a single word, and see how far I can abuse it. Please note that this post differs from the actual Devil’s Dictionary, which offers cynical definitions to real words.
Education (noun) is defined, officially and according to Oxford Languages and Google, as “the process of receiving or giving systematic instruction, especially at a school or university.” It is further defined as “an enlightening experience.”
Edumacation (noun) (vars. Edumacaytion, Edumacayshun, etc.)
Any variant pronunciation or spelling expressing cynicism, sarcasm, or mockery of the processes of receiving or giving systematic instruction. Often spoken or written between the 25th and 49th parallels in the Western hemisphere, including schools and universities. Exposure to such phrasing is an enlightening experience. Exaggeration of accent/ludicrousness of spelling is directly proportional to level of cynicism, sarcasm, or mockery.
Edumamacation (noun)
The process of receiving or giving systematic instruction in the art and science of motherhood. Basic lessons include traditional skills such as Sleep Deprivation Perseverance; Strategic Leftovers; and Combined Weight-Training Yoga. Advanced courses include Deception Detection; Ancestral Stories: The Coercive Moral Tale; and Rhetoric, Argument, and Logical Fallacy. Collectively an enlightening experience.
Edamamecation (noun)
The process of receiving or giving systematic instruction in legumes. Such instruction achieves enlightening experience through one of two means: beanstalk climbing or flatulence.
Edamcation (noun)
The process of receiving or giving systematic instruction in cheeses. Often confused with Edamamecation because of flatulence. Enlightening experience generally associated with wine or whine. Charcuterie selections and accompaniments optional.
Edudecation (noun)
The process of receiving or giving systematic ranch-based instruction on rural living. Enlightening experience often accompanied by saddlesores, backache, and significant financial expenditure. Fun for the whole family not guaranteed. Fun at the expense of family more likely.
Nicanor Abbott 